Every Maryland resident crossing the Pennsylvania line in the last 2 weeks #4thOfJuly #IndependenceDay #HappyBirthdayAmerica #Happy4th

.@JimGaffigan understands me, even if you don’t Brenda. Now back the hell away from the potato salad before you get hurt #4thOfJuly #IndependenceDay #HappyBirthdayAmerica #Happy4th

Half of the country by 5pm today #4thOfJuly #IndependenceDay #HappyBirthdayAmerica #Happy4th

How the world sees America every 7/4 (or 4/7 as they call it) #4thOfJuly #IndependenceDay #HappyBirthdayAmerica #Happy4th

If you don’t leave out milk & cookies Captain America won’t bring us our resupply of freedom and we become British subjects again. That’s just science. #WednesdayWisdom #4thOfJuly #IndependenceDay #OriginalBrexit

If men had brains they’d be dangerous. Or at least slightly less sensitive #TuesdayThoughts

Made it through another month, so my #MondayMotivation is to do the same to July.

Can you handle this, pardner? #TuesdayThoughts

I feel like crap. More coffee will fix it. #MondayMotivation