Whenever there’s a holiday in the middle of the week it throws me off my game so here’s the week that was one day later than usual.

• It says high occupancy. It says nothing about breathing.

• The #2 Most Wanted Criminal was charged.

• Nothing cures my existential angst like a BMT with extra pickles.

• You like big butts and you cannot lie, can you Squidward?

• Where in the hell is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?

• One if by land. Two if by sea. Three if by LaGuardia.

• How about no?

In honor of a certain editor’s birthday it’s an all Star Wars WTF. So, get in there you big furry oaf! I don’t care what you smell!

• It’s a small thermal exhaust port just below the main port

• Judge me by my size, do you?

• Bring me Solo and the Wookiee! They will all suffer for this outrage!

• How do you get so big eating food of this kind?

• I have my orders from the Emperor himself. He has something special planned for them. We only need to keep them from escaping.

• Jeez, I’m out of it for a little while, everyone gets delusions of grandeur!

• Beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will…

Apologies, dear readers, for not giving you some WTF last week. The WTF hit me back and I had to go into hiding until it got bored. But I have returned, so let’s get into all the news to get you ready for the weekend…

• You spin me right round baby, right round

And rain makes applesauce.

• At least it’s not an IPA

This would go great with some Rocky Mountain Oysters

• You get a hell yeah! And you get a hell yeah! And YOU get a hell yeah!

If he has a cooking segment with the Rock this show will go from great to glorious. Plus, this announcement gives me a chance to share one of my all time favorite videos.

• Then I punched your face. Now I’m a Belieber!

Hey Justin:

I can’t believe it took a Canadian to make me root for Tom Cruise again.

• E100…

Everywhere you turn these days it’s just one incredibly depressing or infuriating news story after another. That’s no way to start your weekend, so here is a collection of some of the weirdest news of the week:

• America! F*** YEAH!

Make America (Natural) Gas Again? Okay, sure. Freedom fries/toast is so 2003…

• Go Ninja! Go Ninja! GO!

I know where I’m taking my wife for our next anniversary. Now I need her to get her April O’Neil cosplay outfit.

(FYI – do not Google Image Search “April O’Neil Cosplay” at work without the safe search filter on unless you want to not have a job anymore.)

• Obligatory Florida Link

I wish Igloo had refused to recall these because honestly we could stand to thin the herd a little bit.

• Put Me In, Coach

50 Cent has a little competition.

• Excuse Me, I Need To Go Buy Some Air Pods

This…

We are just over a week away from the first puck drop of the 2018-19 NHL season and for those of us who are hockey fans the excitement is building with every moment. As a long-suffering Washington Capitals fan I am still living in a dream come true, but with every dream there must be a corresponding nightmare. This season that nightmare is Gritty, the new Philadelphia Flyers mascot.

Internet, meet Gritty.

“I’m here to eat your children”

This is the last thing you see in Philly when you order a cheesesteak the wrong way. This is what happens when you walk into a Wawa and declare your love for all things Sheetz. This is the thing that threw batteries at opposing players or snowballs at Santa or when you cheer after Michael Irvin hurt himself. This is the only thing you can cosplay as…